


The Hardships of Being (in Love with) a Drama Queen

by ink_inEden



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Communication, Endgame Wolfstar, Friends to Lovers, Jealous Sirius Black, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Miscommunication, Oblivious Remus Lupin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-23 03:37:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21313546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ink_inEden/pseuds/ink_inEden
Summary: Out of everyone, Remus had never expectedSiriusto treat him with contempt.Sirius who wanted to be coddled by his friends whenever he was haunted by nightmares and who crawled into Remus’ bed when the full moon was particularly bad. Sirius who let the girls braid his hair and paint his nails and who had confided in Remus that he kind of liked being “pretty” rather than handsome. Sirius who had skipped an entire day of classes after learning about his lycanthropy and waited by his bedside until Remus opened his eyes – only to tell him that he was an idiot and that Sirius didn’t love him any less because of it…Out of everyone, Remus had expected Sirius to be accepting and supportive.Or Remus gets outed and Sirius doesn't take it well
Relationships: Gilderoy Lockhart/Remus Lupin, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 376





	The Hardships of Being (in Love with) a Drama Queen

**Author's Note:**

> A little story idea that randomly appeared in my mind and that I had to get out of my system in order to focus back on the one I'm actually writing. It's not all that refined but I hope you'll enjoy it anyway.
> 
> (Also, while it happens in this story, I don't condone outing anybody against their will - don't do it.)
> 
>   
**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the world depicted in this story. They belong to J. K. Rowling.**

When Remus had thought about how his friends would eventually come to know that he liked guys just as much as he liked girls, he never imagined that the cause would be a bunch of leaflets flooding the Great Hall. Maybe, if he had done his Divination homework the night prior, he would have been prepared for the huge photograph printed on each paper that showed him locking lips with _Gilderoy Lockhart _of all people.

Well, actually it just showed _Remus_ – locking lips with an undistinguishable, but undoubtedly _male_, lover.

A fact which Gilderoy had been really pissed about when Remus ran into him after escaping from the Great Hall. He assumed that Gilderoy’s passion for the spotlight was the reason why his secret had ended up strewn about everyone’s breakfast in the first place. Leave it to Gilderoy, to break up with him because he had stolen his thunder.

Then again, Gilderoy loved the attention from their female classmates way too much to ever really settle for someone like _Remus_ who was more like a thrilling adventure than anything else. Maybe that was why Remus had given into him in the first place – because Gilderoy was a dick and their “relationship” always had an expiration date.

Now, it made it easier for Remus to brush past him without any lingering thoughts, fleeing to the Gryffindor tower and replaying his friends’ reaction in his mind instead. The responses had been…varied.

James had arched his eyebrows so high that Remus was worried he might permanently misplace them. He seemed curious mostly – albeit surprised – and thoughtful, which was maybe scarier than anything else. Peter had looked at Remus with the mixture of horror, admiration and horniness that was so very Peter and appeared to be confused which one of the three was the most pressing. Still, their reactions were tolerable all things considered.

Sirius’, however, Sirius’ stung.

As soon as he had realised what he was holding in his hands, his joyful smile had been wiped from his face. He jumped to his feet immediately, his eyes boring into Remus’ with disgust and accusation. When Remus returned his gaze challengingly, Sirius stormed out of the room as if it were _him_ who had just been humiliated in front of the whole school.

Out of everyone, Remus had never expected _Sirius_ to treat him with contempt.

Sirius who wanted to be coddled by his friends whenever he was haunted by nightmares and who crawled into Remus’ bed when the full moon was particularly bad. Sirius who let the girls braid his hair and paint his nails and who had confided in Remus that he kind of liked being “pretty” rather than handsome. Sirius who had skipped an entire day of classes after learning about his lycanthropy and waited by his bedside until Remus opened his eyes – only to tell him that he was an idiot and that Sirius didn’t love him any less because of it…

_Out of everyone_, Remus had expected Sirius to be accepting and supportive. He wondered if he really judged him so wrongly or if this was destiny’s cruel revenge for leaving behind solitude at the age of twelve.

Hastily, Remus passed through the empty common room and climbed up the stairs to his dormitory, desperate for a piece of chocolate and a pillow to pull over his head. When he pushed the door open, however, he was surprised to find that Sirius had got there before him.

Remus froze on the threshold unsure of what to do. On the one hand, Sirius had just flipped their friendship the metaphorical bird, but on the other hand, the fact that he wasn’t hiding in a more secluded corner of the castle meant he was _willing to talk_.

Still, Remus wasn’t sure if _he _was willing to talk.

“Are you coming in, or what?” Sirius grumbled from his place on the windowsill.

He didn’t look at Remus but his voice was surprisingly soft. Remus took a shaky breath and closed the door. He knew that he couldn’t mop in peace if he didn’t take the plunge.

Carefully, he crossed the room and sat down on the free spot beside Sirius. Immediately, the other boy drew his knees closer to his chest – whether to clear some space for him or to avoid any contact, Remus wasn’t quite sure anymore.

“It’s not contagious, you know?” Remus said a little more harshly then he intended to. Sirius looked at him as if he were dumb.

“Yeah.” He muttered and turned his attention back to the view outside of the window. In Remus’ opinion, there was nothing to see that would warrant _that_ amount of scrutiny.

He mustered his friend, trying to gauge the atmosphere but Sirius mostly just seemed moody. Suddenly, Remus noticed a piece of paper scrunched up in Sirius’ fist. He picked at it until Sirius loosened his grip. Remus smoothed out the paper. His own face looked back at him, his eyes closed with eager desire as a blonde curly head leaned in. The kiss hadn’t even been _that_ passionate. It was more like clumsy fumbling and clacking teeth.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Sirius whispered quietly, almost sadly.

Remus looked up in surprise. Sirius’ eyes were still fixed on the window. He could see that he was worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

“And don’t think I haven’t noticed that that’s Gilderoy’s pretentious head.” Sirius added more sassily and wrinkled his nose in obvious disapproval.

Remus chuckled. “Well, then you’re the only one who noticed. Gilderoy was rather pissed that he didn’t have a grander role in the picture.”

“How could I _not _notice?” Sirius replied hotly. “He’s been leering at you for weeks.”

Remus stared at him flabbergasted. “Really? I didn’t realise that.”

“Yeah, well, you can be quite daft sometimes.” Sirius mumbled gently under his breath and turned to look at Remus only to immediately drop his gaze to his knees. “You didn’t answer my question, though.”

Thoughtfully, Remus looked out of the window. “I was worried.” He admitted honestly. “I wasn’t really sure how you guys would take it. And I guess I was kind of afraid that that would be the end of the Marauders and I’d be friendless again.”

Sirius’ eyes snapped back to his face. “No,” He said with his voice weirdly low and sharp. “I get that, but that’s not what I’m asking.” He took a deep breath before he continued with newfound urgency in his gaze. “Why didn’t you tell _me_?”

Remus frowned in confusion. “How is that any different?”

“How is that-” Sirius echoed, apparently rendered speechless, and stared at Remus in disbelief.

“Right.” He shook his head and pressed his lips into a thin line. Sirius looked both angry and crestfallen at the same time. “I’m no different.”

The words didn’t sit right with Remus. He wished he hadn’t opened his mouth to speak. Something seemed so fundamentally wrong about the entire situation. With a sinking feeling in his gut, he watched Sirius jump to his feet.

“I’m no different than James or Peter.” Sirius whispered with his eyes trained on the ground and his shoulders slumping forward. His long, dark locks fell forward like a curtain shutting Remus out.

“Of course not.” He said bitterly and shot Remus one last burning look.

For a moment, Remus thought he could see tears glistening in his eyes. Before he could be sure, however, Sirius tore his gaze away and darted out of the room for the second time in one day.

Instinctively, Remus got to his feet to follow him. Then, he froze.

_What the fuck?_ He had just been forcibly outed and Sirius was acting like _he_ had reason to be upset?

Remus marched over to his bed, determined to carry out his earlier plans. Honestly, he had better things to do than chase Sirius through a sea of people. Before he could dramatically fling himself onto the mattress, however, James appeared in the door.

“What’s got Padfoot in a huff?” He asked in confusion and rubbed at a blooming bruise on his arm.

Remus threw his hands up in the air. “Why are you asking _me_?” He exclaimed grumpily. “For all I know, Sirius is an egocentric homophobic.”

Frowning, James sat down on the bed opposite him. “Egocenctric? Sure. Internalized homophobia? Probably. But I really don’t think he has a problem with the fact that _you_ specifically are gay.”

Suddenly, Remus’ anger deflagrated like one of his unsuccessful potion brewing attempts. “What?”

James looked at him weirdly and adjusted his glasses. “I said, _I really don’t think-_”

“Yeah, yeah.” Remus waved his hand dismissively. “Before that…” He dropped onto the bedframe, completely shell-shocked. “Sirius is _gay_?”

“Um…” Nervously, James fiddled with his glasses again. “You didn’t know?”

“NO!” Remus jumped to his feet and started pacing. “Why didn’t he _tell me_?”

“Um…Look.” James said guiltily and clearly uncomfortable. “I probably shouldn’t have told you that – and maybe his are the same reason why you didn’t tell us-”

“That’s different!” Remus whirled around, offended by the mere implication that the connection he shared with Sirius could be compared to the friendships among the other Marauders.

They were all _friends_, even James and Sirius who were almost like brothers to one another. And as great as that was – Remus and Sirius were _more_. They had like this deep, indestructible, underlying…_something_ that neither James nor Peter-

_How is that any different?_ His own voice echoed through his mind, mocking him.

Remus froze on the spot and pressed his eyes closed. “Shit.”

_I’m no different._

“Shit.”

“Moony, are you okay?” James asked worriedly.

Quickly, Remus opened his eyes and grabbed James’ shoulders. “Where did Sirius go to? I need the map – I have to find him.”

“Um…” James twisted out of his grip, slightly wary, but he walked over to his nightstand and pulled out the piece of parchment. “Here. But don’t make it worse, okay? Sirius really had a hard time with this and I didn’t mean to just blab it out in the open.”

“Of course not.” Remus said absentmindedly, already turning his attention towards the map. “I solemnly swear that I’m up to no good.”

Before James could voice any more concern, he ran out of the room, hastily unfolding the magic parchment on the go. It was a blessing, honestly, because he probably would have spent most of his time fighting off hexes and unwanted attention without the map telling him which corridors were deserted. Still, it was of little help in finding Sirius.

Eventually, he ended up stuck in the owlery hiding from a particularly persistent and nasty group of Slytherins whose speed he had misjudged. In an unexpected turn of events, it was _Sirius_ who found _him _there…

“They’re gone,” Sirius deadpanned, looking slightly lost as he was standing in the middle of the room and searching for Remus’ outline.

Quickly, Remus lifted the concealment charm he had used to merge with the rows of owls. “Thanks.”

“Let’s talk.” Sirius turned his back on him in favour of walking over to the window through which the owls could enter and exit as they pleased.

It was an odd statement – albeit not an unreasonable one, all things considered.

Sirius heaved himself onto the opening, uncaring about the amount of bird droppings on the rough stone. Once he was seated, he looked at Remus expectantly and gesticulated to the free spot beside him. Remus cleared his throat awkwardly and followed his example. “How did you know that I’d be here? I couldn’t find your name on the map.”

“I know,” Sirius said quietly and hugged his legs. “I didn’t want you to – so I went to the Room of Requirement.” He gazed out the window, seemingly deep in thought.

Before Remus could come up with a response to that, Sirius continued. “The room looked exactly like this one – except for the fact that it was night time and I could see the full moon high up on the sky. I thought – well, at first I thought it might just be a coincident but when I sat on the windowsill I found a bar of your favourite chocolate…”

His eyes turned to Remus and he gave him a shy, crooked smile. “So, you know…the room made it pretty clear what I actually required and where I would find it.”

“Did you bring the chocolate?” Remus blurted out distractedly. Sirius rolled his eyes but the smile on his face doubled in size.

“Of course.” He replied fondly and pulled it out from under his robes.

Remus lunged at him with the excitement of a little child. Sirius gave in without a fight. Greedily, Remus pulled back, unwrapped the chocolate and stuffed it into his mouth. Sirius chuckled lightly.

“Wha-mh?” Remus asked around a mouthful of chocolate and licked his fingers. Apparently, the sweet had begun to melt because of Sirius’ body heat.

Sirius shook his head with a smile and waved his index finger around his lips. “You’ve got…”

Remus wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his rope. “Better?”

“No, you…” Sirius sighed and pushed himself up onto his knees. “Let me.”

Carefully, he traced his thumb across the corner of Remus’ mouth, his eyes intently fixed on his lips. Involuntarily, Remus’ eyes dropped to his friend’s lips as well. They were pink and bitten, the bottom one slightly fuller than the upper one, which left him with a subtle permanent pout on his lips.

_It suits him_, Remus thought, _It’s kind of cute._

Sirius’ fingers stilled on Remus’ face. “I’m sorry.”

“What?” Abruptly, Remus’ eyes flicked back to Sirius’.

Truth be told, Remus probably wouldn’t even have noticed he was speaking to him had it not been for the sudden movement of his lips. Sirius dug his teeth into his bottom lip and pulled back.

“About earlier. I was being selfish and you didn’t deserve that. – I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, well…” Remus floundered, trying to look anywhere but at Sirius’ mouth. “I’m sorry, too.”

Eyes. Eyes were a good thing, eyes were safe. Even if they were darkening from cloudy to stormy grey in confusion. “What do you have to be sorry for?”

“I didn’t mean what I said.” He explained hastily. “I shouldn’t have said that. It’s the biggest lie I have ever told anyone, including myself.”

Sirius’ eyes lightened in surprise. “Moony…”

“What?” He asked self-consciously and fiddled with his frayed sleeve.

“You’ve just been _outed _without consent or warning and you worry about _me_?” Sirius elaborated exasperatedly. “I was acting like a spoiled brat instead of thinking about your feelings – or at least executing your revenge – and you’re apologising _to me_? What about you? How are _you_ coping?”

“I…” Remus started, suddenly realising that he had no clue how he wanted to finish that sentence. “I don’t know.” He mumbled, his eyes fixed on the scars on his wrist. He rubbed at one of the pink marks branding his skin.

“I guess…” He said haltingly. “I don’t actually know how I feel…It didn’t really…I was so upset by how you reacted that…It just _hurt_, you know?” Shakily, he took a deep breath and looked into Sirius’ eyes again. “I didn’t really think about anyone else because my best-fucking-friend – my, like, _safe person_ – just looked at me like he hated me and...”

“Moony…” Sirius whispered, guilt evident in his voice. He closed the little space between them and pulled Remus into his arms. “I’m so sorry, I really am. I never wanted you to think that. I would _never_ hate you, and I…”

He hesitated, suddenly sounding timid, his fingers twisting in Remus’ robes. “I was jealous, okay? And I shouldn’t have lashed out at you. And-” He gulped, the next words clearly weighing down heavily on his tongue. “And if you’re really in love with Lockhart than I wouldn’t-”

“We broke up.” Remus interrupted him bluntly.

“_Really?_” Sirius pulled back and looked at him in wonder. Quickly, he tried to push down his obvious relief. “Um…I mean, um, that sucks. I’m sorry to hear.”

Remus rolled his eyes with a secret smile. “You’re a shit liar, Pads, it’s a good thing that it’s Peter’s job to fool the teachers…And I wasn’t. In love with Lockhart, I mean. Not really…”

“But why…?”

Remus shrugged. “It was safe in a way, you know? He was interested – which was flattering and exciting for someone like me – but he’s also very self-absorbed, so he didn’t ask too many questions. I mean, we like both were curious about boys but we didn’t know each other all that well, I think.”

Remus coughed slightly. “I guess, we don’t know each other all that well either as it seems.”

Sirius frowned.

“I…” He trailed off, apparently not so sure how to continue. Even afraid, maybe.

Remus sighed and pulled the stupid leaflet out of his pocket. “Well, me, too.”

“Give me that,” Sirius snatched the paper out of his hand and quickly ripped it into tiny pieces with an expression of utter satisfaction. Remus may have believed him that it was all there was, had it not been for the trembling of his fingers.

“You talked to James?” Sirius asked uneasily and let the shreds be carried away by the wind. He couldn’t look Remus in the eyes.

“Yes,” Carefully, Remus touched his chin and encouraged him to meet his gaze. “And he’s sorry as well.”

Sirius let out a shaky breath and twisted his fingers into the hem of his robe instead. Quickly, Remus reached out and took his hands in his. He intertwined their fingers and squeezed them gently.

“I wish you would have told me…” He said softly. “I know that’s super hypocritically of me but…I think I like you. And I think you like me, too.”

Blushingly, Remus bit his lip and waited with baited breath for his response. Finally, Sirius looked at him properly.

“Because we both like boys?” He asked, his tone falling somewhere between mocking and timid.

“_No_!” Remus exclaimed in shock. “Because you are funny and smart and caring – and because you bring me chocolate even though you’re mad at me.”

He took a deep breath, but he knew he had to get it all out now or he would regret it later.

“You make me feel safe and important because you treat me like I’m worthy and special. Like in ways, James and Peter don’t. And you don’t treat _them_ like that, only me...And…and I don’t treat you the same either because there’s nobody that I want to touch and hug without reason like I do with you, like all the time…

And it’s so addictive to hear you laugh – it makes me feel warm and bubbly and I get so ridiculously smug when _I’m _the one who elicits that sound from you…And when you’re upset, I get upset, too, and I never want you to be sad and…”

He gulped, trying to reign in his stream of words but Sirius was still listening intently. “I should’ve told you that. I – _this_ should be my coming out.” He squeezed Sirius’ fingers. “I was stupid and wrong because _you are so, so different_. I should’ve known…I don’t know, I guess it was all too real and I couldn’t see what’s right in front of me and I don’t want to lose you and I’m so sorry that I was so dumb and-”

“Shut up.” Sirius interrupted him suddenly. Immediately, Remus stopped, panicking and panting slightly.

Sirius pulled his hands out of Remus’ grip and took his face between his palms instead. He pulled him closer until the cold tips of their noses were touching, his eyes sparkling and searching Remus’ intently.

“And I don’t love you any less because of it.” He whispered earnestly and finally, _finally_ occupied their lips otherwise.


End file.
